The Little Girl Who Got Bullied
A little girl’s mom messaged me. The message was more like an SOS.
Girl’s Mom: A few months go a boy 3–4 years older than Reema (name changed) punched her in the chest. She couldn’t do anything, came back crying.
Me: Did you speak to that boy?
Girl’s Mom: Yes, the boy tried to bully me as well. He punched me and ran.
Me: Oops! Did you speak to his parents?
Girl’s Mom: Yes. They were nonchalant. Replying, “It happens with kids of this age”.
Me: Ok!
Girl’s Mom: Reema is still scared. I don’t know what to tell her.
Bullying is predator behaviour, the remnants of which are in the Animal Planet documentaries. Even the top predator sets traps for the weakest prey in a herd, never the alpha.
We need to understand the symptoms of a weak target. Weak, Sick and Unable to run are some key symptoms.
The human predators scan for similar attributes. Shoulders dropped, No eye contact and an overall demeanour that gives the weakness away.
One can diminish the chances of being a target of bullying and eve-teasing by following these systems.
- Positive Body Language
A student of mine was once returning from a movie night with her mom and daughter. A few men in the elevator started signing songs looking at them. For a moment, she panicked with nowhere to go in that elevator. The possibilities of whatever could go wrong troubled her. However, soon she gathered her confidence, came in front of her mom and daughter, mustering all the confidence she could extract. She looked straight in the eyes of those men and gave a subtle smile. The singing stopped, who seemed like predators, looked down and went out of the elevator without any troubles.
Some kids and adults alike seem to be a constant target of bullying. Predators look for weak body language. A person who approaches confidently maintains eye-contact and appears upright is rarely seen as a target. Maintaining positive body language is the first sign that you are not an easy target.
2. Setting Verbal Boundaries
I was leading a self-defence workshop when a lady spoke up about a bullying incident. She was once travelling in the Delhi Metro. A middle-aged man kept coming towards her. She continued stepping back till she stepped out at a station where she wasn’t even supposed to. She just wanted to get rid of the pervert. When we diagnosed this behaviour, we established that she should have created a verbal boundary around her. Other females mentioned that shouting out loud against such behaviour always helped them. Setting verbal boundaries deters the predators from such action in future.
Verbal boundaries can be established by simply saying, “Hey! I do not like this.” or shouting out loud if it’s a repeat behaviour. Our inability to set such boundaries at the onset often makes us suffer later on.
3. Setting Physical Boundaries
Predator behaviour is everywhere. Riya (name changed) worked for a top IT company. Her manager would always put an arm on her shoulder while talking to her. She often felt his fingers moving on her shoulders. It was a sickening feeling that Riya suffered for a year and eventually quit her job. It took her years of counselling to come out of that trauma. We asked her — why she didn’t tell his manager that “Hey! I do not like to be touched.” She burst into tears and said, “I know I should have done that, everyone should do that”.
Setting your physical boundary means letting certain people know that they are entering your zone. Unless you affirm it, you may be willing to such a breach. We may be comfortable with certain friends and family. However, setting the physical boundary lets unwanted people know that this is not their zone to enter.
Being conscious of these three practices ensures we overcome most chances of getting bullied or eve-teased.
However, there might be those rare occasions where an attacker in an inebriated state cross the social norms. In such a situation, your presence of mind and fighting skills help. Practising combat arts like Karate and Jiu-Jitsu under a legit instructor helps develop the right mindset and skills.
Reema has taken up traditional Karate for good.
